Friday, June 21, 2013

Fifty Shades Darker; Even More Reason to Talk About Me

Fifty Shades Trilogy: eBook Bundle

This book took me 2 days to read. I am GLAD it is over.  (first book review is here, by the way)
If there ever was a time I wanted to poke my eyeballs out, this was it.

The writing sucks. It's horrible. It's just blocks and blocks of useless text that drags out the story. I imagine this is what my college professors meant when we "fluffed" our papers, or as we called it "pulling worthless bullshit out our asses!"

I skipped 85% of this book. Skimmed, not skipped. I did read it. Quickly. That's a skill of mine. Part of the reason why I get to be a paid reviewer is because of my ability to read quickly. The only time I actually paid close attention to this book is when Ana and Mr. Grey actually converse with each other.

So what about the sex?

I mean isn't that why everyone is reading this book?

This isn't porn in story form. This is one step about romance. I am not even sure it belongs in the erotica category. It's tame and it's weak. What pisses me off most of all is the generalization of BDSM, which is embarrassing to even be in this book. In the first book their was mention, and some slight events. However in this second book it starts to break away from the lifestyle that never really seemed to make much of an appearance anyway. When I sit down to read an erotic book about BDSM, I want there to be a lot of fucking. I want to read the work fuck. Not as an afterthought of what the character is thinking to herself (enough with the "holy fuck" already).

BDSM folks are pissed off. I can see why. No wonder they dub Fifty Shades of Grey as mommy porn. 

I think I stumbled on a few of those blogs.
Dear lord, what is the world coming to?
All these women talking about how they want to find a man like Mr. Grey.
Ummm what?
You've got to be kidding me.
Do you even have a fucking clue?
I don't think you do.

85% of women out there have NO REAL idea what BDSM entails. They "THINK" they  know from books they read, a porn they might watch, or a mention of it on the internet. But the truth is, unless you know the lifestyle, you really have no clue.

Shocker, I know.

Stop worrying about whether a real life Mr. Grey exists in this world and go back to watching Days of Our Lives.

Cause, ya know - that's much more realistic.

As for the book series...I am a few chapter in to book three. I am so thankful this ride is almost over.

I do love the idea of Mr. Grey. I just wish he was better written. I do love some of his one-liners, but I wish he had more depth to him.

My biggest complaint is that these characters and story take place in America. The writer is in London. No big deal, except for the fact the characters speak like they are Bristish sometimes and she writes her words in Bristish English. Every-thing is hypen-ated and it drives me batshit. Reading it is a trainwreck. Seriously. If you are publishing in USA and yoru characters are in USA, write it they was its supposed to be. A real publisher will tell you that.

Oh, wait.

She's  was self-published and then when she became published, everyone saw dollar signs and couldn't get the book on the shelf fast enough.

I would like nothing more than to rewrite 50 Shades the way it should be.

A Amazon search shows me so many people have tried. Trust me, I read those too!


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Detroit based writer of poetic prose, quotes, thoughts, and sometimes, dirty things.